Super Bowl XLVI analysis and predictions

Posted: February 2, 2012 by pleonasty in Sports
Tags: , , , , ,

I could run a victory lap here, but instead I’ll just issue my predictions for Super Bowl XLVI (that’s 46, in case you didn’t win your high school’s Latin award, like a boss).

On Sunday, Feb 5, 2012, the New York Giants and the New England Patriots will face off again in an epic grudge match. As you might know, the Giants emasculated the favored Patriots during an incredible 4th quarter comeback back in Super Bowl XLII (42). With the Pats sitting on a regular season record of 13-3, they are again favored over the Giants who struggled to make the NFC playoffs at 9-7.

With their symbolic home team status at Indianapolis, the Patriots aren’t leaving anything up to chance this year, not even the color of their game jerseys. During Super Bowl XLII, the Patriots were clad in blue, as the then home team, while the Giants wore white. Let it be known, however, that since 2007, the Giants have been undefeated in white jerseys during playoff games (4-0). Surely the Pats will be having a strategic meeting to discuss the merit of wearing their traditional blue home team jerseys.

In injury news, New York is very fortunate to be operating at near full strength. Only 5 players reported for limited practice, Wednesday, RB Ahmad Bradshaw (foot), WR Hakeem Nicks (shoulder), DE Osi Umenyiora (ankle/knee), CB Corey Webster (hamstring) and a rookie LB no one cares about. We’ll probably see all 5 play at some point during the big game.

On the other hand, New England hasn’t been treated as kindly, this season. Ten players were limited due to injuries during team practice on Feb 1, including WR Wes Welker and S Patrick Chung. But the real story is whether or not golden boy TE Rob Gronkowski will be able to carry the team on his back as he has for so many games this year. Gronkowski reportedly did not participate during Wednesday’s practice, nor has he done so since the AFC Championship game 2 weeks ago, during which he suffered a high ankle sprain. Gronkowski told reporters that he will be making the decision to play pregame, Super Bowl Sunday. Undoubtedly if he decides to play, he’ll be hopped up on all manner of opiates, barbiturates and every other painkiller under the Sun.

And so, predictions for Super Bowl XLVI are as follows:
1. Millions of viewers tune it to watch ironically and/or “just to watch the commercials.”

2. Commercial featuring talking animal airs, referenced for many months by people who have nothing interesting to say.

3. Super Bowl known as Chicken Genocide Day among chickens, as roughly 1.25 billion wings will be devoured by viewers who say, “I’m not really hungry, I just want to eat.”

4. Tom Brady cries like a girl.

5. Tom Coughlin looks like he’s taking an extremely angry poop.

6. Giants – 27, Patriots 24.

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Comments
  1. coolgirl710 says:

    7. The general public will be pleased because they dislike New England even more than New York.

  2. alephnaughty says:

    8. I still won’t understand the NFL’s rules and regulations, but will eagerly condescend towards anyone who seems to understand even less than I do.

  3. […] we nailed Nevada, Groundhog Day, and the Superbowl winner. So…word to ya […]

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